In some workplaces, women encounter benevolent approval when they behave in traditionally feminine ways—and disapproval when they do not.[1] When jobs are defined as requiring traditionally masculine qualities, yet women are expected to display traditionally feminine qualities, women face complex political dynamics that do not affect men. Common double binds are described below.

Pressures on Women to Act Feminine

Mother, princess, pet
In some workplaces, women are cabined into a narrow range of traditionally feminine roles. These include the "mother," who is restrained and endlessly supportive, picking up extra service and perhaps clerical work, the “princess,” who aligns with a powerful man but never challenges his dominance, and the “pet,” who acts as an unthreatening cheerleader for the men.[2]

Are women expected to be warm, fuzzy (and femmy)?
I think the undergraduates are still full of sexist stuff....They expect the women teachers to be kinder and warmer and fuzzier and let them take a make-up even if they don’t have a good enough reason...Students expect their female instructors to be like their mother and forgive everything.[3]

I live to serve...?
Women often are seen as well suited to committee work, mentoring students, planning events. These roles are valuable institutionally but do not count much towards tenure or promotion. Women often face the choice of being seen as “difficult” (if they turn down service work) or “unqualified” (if heavier service loads jeopardize their ability to publish).

[W]e don’t have very many full professors who are women...[One woman] waited an extraordinarily long time to get [promoted]...[S]he was being asked to do lots of really critical service, sitting on dean search committees, and really powerful service as the only associate professor....[T]hey were sort of having it both ways. They could ask her for her expertise and judgment, and at the same time continue to bypass her.

Just one of the girls?
When I started, I was...the only female [faculty member], and I was expected to help with the filing and sorting mail and some of that stuff. And I just kind of took it because I was very low-level faculty. A new faculty woman came in and she insisted that the staff all refer to her as doctor and she wasn’t going to do any of the filing, and everybody was like, who the hell is she? Who does she think she is? She wasn’t just one of the girls in the secretarial pool, she expected to be treated to same as the males.

Sanctions for Women Who Act Masculine

Time and again, women report being called to task for behavior that is seen as unobjectionable in their male colleagues, reflecting an unspoken expectation that women will remaining narrowly cabined in traditionally feminine roles.[4]

He’s incisive; she’s abrasive
You know, I am aware of my own attempts to try to walk a fine line—not asking for something because you feel like you’re going to look like you need more, or that you’re being too assertive. You don’t want to look like a bitch. And I don’t want to ask for help, because I don’t want people to think I need help. [Agreement from other focus group members: Yeah. Exactly.]

I’ve had students lodge complaints about me, for perceived rude behavior that was nothing compared to what some of my male colleagues would do to their students.

Men push the envelope; women are “troublemakers”
I have been told by older colleagues, who meant well, to not rock the boat. Don’t, don’t, don’t rock the boat! Just don’t go there. Don’t be dumb. So it’s perceived as when you ask questions or you question, that you’re a troublemaker.

She’s a shameless self-promoter; he knows his own worth
Women who use hedges and disclaimers (“Do you think?” “I’m no expert, but...”) are often seen more positively than those who speak directly and with confidence.[5] Women who are straightforward about their accomplishments may encounter pushback—from other women as well as from men.[6]

I was explaining what I had accomplished in the past year, which was what everyone else was doing and what we were supposed to do. He said, “Well, you think highly of yourself, don’t you?”[7]

Women don’t ask...because of fears of negative repercussions
Often “women don’t ask” for what they need because they sense that they will be seen as pushy—or weak—if they do.

[O]ftentimes we find ourselves not asking for something that normally one of our male counterparts would just walk right up and say, give me this, or I need this, I want this. So we’re more cautious. I’m more cautious, she’s more cautious....Is it going to make it look as if I need it because I’m a woman?

Catch-22: Be “one of the guys”?

When professional opportunities are distributed based on membership in male networks, women face difficult choices about whether or not to be “one of the guys.”[8]

To get ahead here, you have to be so aggressive. But if women are too aggressive they’re ostracized...and if they’re not aggressive enough they have to do twice the work.[9]

I don’t go out to the bars and socialize....I’m going to be getting letters of recommendation from these leaders in my field for the purposes of tenure, and so it’s actually very hard for me to make that effort to go out....And it’s very hard I think for a woman to just go and join this group of men.

[A]ll the men would go to a local bar, and so much got accomplished at those meetings. [E]ventually we were included, once they saw that we actually could drink beer without blowing into a million pieces.

Double Jeopardy for Women of Color

Racialized stereotypes of deference-challenged women
While assertive white women may be called “bitches,” African-American women may be seen as “angry black women” and Asian-Americans as “dragon ladies.”[10] When Latina women are assertive, they may trigger stereotypes of the “fiery, hot-blooded Latina.”[11]

I live to serve x 2
We had a very explicit conversation with the associate dean recently about a woman of color on the faculty. And he said, quite clearly, you know affirmative action means that we give people an opportunity; once they get to the school we have to evaluate them at tenure time just like everyone else. But then you’ve saddled her with these enormous [service] obligations as the only person of color on a faculty of a hundred....What I’ve noticed is that sometimes the deans and the chairs kind of want to have it both ways.